Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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