thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
