just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
