I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We need a shit load of segways right now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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