I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
