he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
