I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
