Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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