that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
