I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
