If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
