Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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