..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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