No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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