your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They took my balls.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
