So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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