Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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