420 ftw
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
