pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
