my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
