There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
