Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
