My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
