i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
