you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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