grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
