i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
