I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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