I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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