Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
