As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
