Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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