Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Randomize
