yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Too much gin, very little bucket
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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