I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
