You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
