I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
