You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
