There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize