i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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