Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
