She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
