I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
