did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
