dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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