Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
