Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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