I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
