Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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