he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I AM VODKA MAN
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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