I'm so fucking centered right now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
