no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
