I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
